Archive for August, 2008

Anti-Hero

August 29, 2008

As I have mentioned in a previous post I consider myself to be a writer.  Well, in one of the discussion groups I am in one of the members said he was planning a story about an anti-hero.  Now, I enjoy a good anti-hero yarn as much as the next grizzled old ex-army sergeant.  I have the complete collection of Destroyer novels (you know, that Remo Williams guy) and follow the Punisher and Wolverine comic-books.

Well…

I like to help my fellow writers, but try not to take things too seriously.  So, with tongue firmly inserted into cheek, I came up with these:

Credos of the anti-hero:

If you kick them when they’re down, they’re more likely to stay down.

Shoot back first.

Nice guys fit into pine boxes real good.

Kill ’em all and to hell with sorting them out.

If you got a gun and they don’t, that’s their problem.

Don’t be afraid to kill them…they won’t be afraid to kill you.

The only thing better than killing the bad guys is…hmmm…nope, that’s the best thing.

The only fair fight is the one near the Ferris Wheel (think about it.)

Superman doesn’t kill because he’s bullet proof…Batman doesn’t kill because he’s a chump.

You don’t always have to kill them, but you can do it anyway.

Happiness is a warm gun…and dead bodies…LOTS of dead bodies.

The easiest way to get cooperation from a mook is with a sawed-off shotgun aimed below the belt…having the hammer cocked-back helps, too.

Now, I had intended these to be dark-funny.  What came next was a barrage of discussion where everybody seemed to take it seriously.  BTW, lots of Batman defenders out there.  At least one member got the joke, and when I came up with the Top 10 ways to tell if your protagonist is an anti-hero, she asked if she could post them to her blog.  Ah, sweet flattery.  You can see this list at http://kehinde.com/blog/.  This was also tongue-in-cheek (does anybody get that expression anymore?) as is most of my work.  But while I like to write humor/horror, I really have the heart of a little boy.  I keep it pickled in a jar of alcohol next to my computer screen.

This has NOT been a Wolf Rant.

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Electing Our Leaders

August 28, 2008

I am the first person to admit that I don’t understand much about politics or government.  And frankly, neither do you.  I can’t grasp the thinking behind a lot of what they do.  Currently, we have two (really, only two, the independents never make it) parties that burn up millions, if not billions, of tax payer’s money just to settle on one party candidate over another.  I don’t even want to think what the whole Clinton/Obama fiasco cost us.

But that’s not what really galls me.  Currently we have the worst line-up of presidential candidates I have ever seen.  Frankly, I’m not voting FOR any of them, I’m voting against the ones I find most objectionable.  And why?  Because this party and that party upchucked these people and left us with no other alternatives.  Why the hell do we have to settle for what the parties support?  Why can’t we go to the booth and select whomever we want?  If I want to vote for the bum that sleeps in the ally behind Burger King, then I should be able to do so.  But no, you have x-choices on the ballet and no option to punch none of the above.  Frankly, we should have the “none of the above” option on the ballet.  If the Dummy-crats get 28% of the vote, and the Republi-fatcats get 32% of the vote and the “none-of-the-above” takes 40% of the vote, then neither of the candidates get elected and we start with a new line up.  Franky, we should have a mock-election one year before the real thing where everybody writes in whoever the hell they want and the top contenders get to run.  This is a government of the people, by the people, for the people.  So when do the people get to choose instead of just the party leaders?

This has been a Wolf Rant.

Islamerica

August 26, 2008

I had a horrible nightmare last night.  I dreamed that Barack Hussien Obama won the election and America became an Islamic country.  Everybody who did not embrace Islam was rounded up and imprisoned or publicly beheaded.  Women were forced to wear burkas and any who protested where stoned in the street for being a harlot.  Women were required to undergo a mutilating procedure that would forever after make sex a chore instead of a pleasure, and more, they would be sewn up enough to make it more interesting for the men.  Women who sought legal redress for being sexually assaulted were stoned as harlots while their attackers went scott free.  The states became different sects of the Muslim religion resulting in religious wars between them that made the Civil War look like a tickle fight.  Technological advancement slowed to a crawl when the brightest minds fled the country to seek asylum in saner lands.  Children were taught to disrespect women and to keep them in their place.  Women had no rights what-so-ever.

Muslims in the White House pressed a little red button and Israel ceased to exist leaving a smoking crater in its place.  America became embroiled in a religious world war that raged for centuries.

Thank God (Allah to Zeus, take your pick) I awoke and found that it wasn’t even November, yet.  Let’s hope it stays just a nightmare.

This has been a Wolf Rant.

Language

August 19, 2008

There is an old joke that gets passed around in Europe that goes like this:

If you speak three languages, you are trilingual.

If you speak two languages, you are Bi-lingual.

If you speak one language, you are American.

Why is it that the country that boasts the most ethnically and linguistically diverse population in the world so linguistically backward?  The only people who really speak more than one language over here are immigrants and their children.  By the third generation most of them are as linguistically bereft as the rest of us.  Hell, we don’t even bother to speak our OWN language correctly!  In Germany all students are expected to learn two languages in addition to Deutch (that’s the German word for their language.)  It is a phenomenally rare thing to find a public elementary school that offers a second language in the U.S.  Why?  It is in those years before they become a teen that they are most capable of picking up a second or third language.  By the time they hit high school, forget about it.  They’ll do the minimum to get a passing grade then never use it again.

I took German in high school, and I had better than average pronunciation.  This came in handy when I joined the army and was shipped off to Germany.  Of course I was lost when I was eventually stationed in Southern Belgium where everybody spoke French, but that’s another story (or rant.)

Currently, our education system just plain sucks!  Here we are, the richest most powerful country IN THE WORLD, and we can’t be bothered to even learn a second language.  It’s no wonder the rest of the world community looks down on us like we were a bunch of barbarians.

This has been a Wolf Rant.

Writer

August 16, 2008

As some of you know, I am a writer.  No, I have not been published as of yet unless you count my work on The Devil Whiskey computer game.  That doesn’t make me any less a writer, it just means I haven’t sold a book or story…yet.  For those interested I will make available one of my short stories.  It is about a middle-aged overweight security guard in a hotel just left of The Twilight Zone.  Be warned.  Adult language and my weird sense of humour are very much integrated into the story.  Thos interested please leave an e-mail address in the comments section and I will shoot it out to you.

Lessee, nothing to rant about today so I’ll just leave you all with a brief poem in freeverse.

<ahem>

Ode to a Narcoleptic

WAKE UP!

Thenk-yew

Wolf

Bio Fuel

August 15, 2008

Thanx to the current energy crunch that is making the oil companies even richer than ever before (don’t even get me started on THAT); industrious right-thinking people are looking into alternate sources of energy.  Solar is still a ways away as far as automotive is concerned, and electric cars just don’t go the distance – about 90 odd miles which wouldn’t even get me to Detroit and back.

One of the more inventive solutions is bio-fuel.  Bio-fuel is basically reclaimed vegetable oil with an additive that converts it into a fuel that can run a diesel engine.  Cooooool.  But it is even MORE expensive, at this time, than regular diesel, let alone gasoline.  Part of the problem is acquiring the veg-oil for converting into fuel.  Ever buy veg-oil to deep fry your potatoes?  Depending on the brand and quality you spend 2 or 3 bucks for 1/2 a gallon.  There is the leftover oil from McDonalds that they toss out every day, but even the french-fry loving American public doesn’t consume enough to generate the quantities of left-over oil needed to keep everybody on the road.  We need alternatives, folks.  A hybrid diesel would help, to be sure, but we still need more cooking oil.

What about lard?  You know – animal fat.  If we can do it with veg-oil, why not find a way to do it with fat?  This would solve other problems at the same time.  Butchers would trim more fat off of the meat to sell to the fuel companies.   Hamburger would be leaner.  Less fat would end up in your veins and arteries.  What about the bio-mass sucked out of rich asses by liposuction?  Hollywood alone would keep a few hundred drivers on the road with converted ass-fat.  The cost of liposuction would also come down because the clinics would be double dipping by selling the extracted mass to the fuel companies.

If this sounds disgusting, let me assure you that you’ll get over it when you’re sitting in line at the gas station waiting to fill up at $6.00 a gallon…and you better believe that’s headed our way.  The Arabs will keep jacking up the price to squeeze every nickel out of us they can.  Now, we only get about 13% of our oil from there, but when they jack it up, so does everybody else.  That’s capitalism at its most greedy.

This has been a Wolf Rant.

Ciao.

My First Post

August 14, 2008

Goot eeevening.  I am your host with the most, Wolf.  This is my very first blog EVER, so I guess I should put something clever in here to get you to come back.

hmmmm…

Got nothing. 

Oh, well.  Yesterday I was out driving to pick up some groceries and I was listening to the radio.  Bob Seger was singing “Nutbush City” from his live album.  Me, I was singing along.  Then I noticed people in the car next to me and got self conscious.  Until I noticed that they were singing along, too.  Cool.  The the next song came on.  “My Sharrona” by the Knack.  I started singing along with that without thinking.  Then I noticed the people in the car next to me giving me the hairy eyeball.  Apparently, they thought I was FROM Nutbush City.  Lesson?  Sing with Bob, cool.  Sing with The Knack, you’re a putz.

The really amazing thing was that I was out DRIVING!  Get your gas before you get your groceries and you are guareteed to lose weight.  Who needs Jenny Craig?  We got Exxon to help us get thin.  The gas stations are worse than vampires.  With a vamp you just introduce a wooden stake to their chest and problem solved.  Oil companies need an act of congress to bring them down.  I suspect, however, that most of congress has summer homes in Burmuda courtesy of OPEC, so don’t expect any help from that quarter.

OK, lessee, I told a lame joke and ranted about the price of gas.  That’s all for now, blogger-philes.

Wolf