Now, thanx to the OPEC diet I have already lost 25 lbs and have reduced my medication for Type II Diabetes to less than half the original dosage.  Here is how it works:

Every payday, after you have taken care of the bills and mortgage payment, drive to the gas station and fill up the tank.  It is that simple.  After you have paid for the gas you will not be able to afford enough food to gain, or even support your current weight.  The pounds melt off with every gallon of gas you buy! 

But wait!  There’s more:

Because your income is so heavily impacted by the cost of gas you will have to go on long walks to pick up cans and bottles to turn in for the deposits.  This money, ideally for more food, will most likely also end up in the gas tank.  But even if you do manage to buy more food with it, fear not…the additional food you can buy with the deposit money will fail to produce enough calories to offset the amount of calories you will have to expend in walking far enough to collect sufficient returnables with which to buy that food.

There is also the added benefit of meeting new and interesting people while signing up for food stamps and state assistance. And just think, considering all the Ramon noodles you will consume for basic survival and minimal nutrients, the enormous salt intake will be of great value to morticians after you die of malnutrition- you’re already half embalmed!
Forget the gym membership and who needs Jenny Craig?  We have the oil companies doing what Richard Simmons never could…turning fat, overfed Americans into lean, healthy Americans! 
So lets give OPEC a big round of applause!


2 Responses to “OPEC Diet”

  1. Sparrowhawk Says:

    Wolfie, you must come back to Germany some day.
    The prices over here are much higher: the state gets triple tax income by three different taxes, two of them being specific to gas, and the big companies keep the prices high even though the oil price has dropped by about a third in the past few weeks. I think the big oil companies have a price cartel over here, and the authorities in charge have been… lubricated enough to keep them from intervening.

    I predict that you will return home with a big smile the next time you pass by a gas station in the USA after a Germany visit.

    Greetings from Germany

  2. wulfmann Says:

    I wish I could go back to Germany for a good long vacation. I miss the country, the people, the bier, the broetchen and the autobahn (vroom-vroom, baby!) I lived there, off and on, for six years and in Belgium another three. As bad as we here in the States are getting hammered on fuel costs I have no doubt the oil companies and gas distributors are grabbing you by the ankles and shaking every pfennig, or the Euro equivelant, out of you pockets. However, I am not mad that the prices are high just because they are high, it’s because the only reason the prices are up is because some phenominally wealthy people decided they wanted to be even wealthier. Maybe they got jealous of Bill Gates or something.

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